when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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