Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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