ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Randomize