His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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