Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
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I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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