Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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