We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
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He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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