New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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