it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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