I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
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They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize