I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize