I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
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i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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