I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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