I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize