why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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