I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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