i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize