i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
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i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
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Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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