she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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