Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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