I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
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Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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