God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize