you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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