I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
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For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
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The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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