If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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