i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
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He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
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If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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