Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize