WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
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I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
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Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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