he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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