how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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