Texts From Last Night

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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.

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  (763): I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska. http://tfl.nu/wvmg
  Replies (25) Good night (752) Bad night (4513) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.

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  (847): Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over. http://tfl.nu/gmxm
  Replies (35) Good night (1289) Bad night (2692) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..

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  (310): I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas.. http://tfl.nu/m0nn
  Replies (24) Good night (3251) Bad night (696) Order T-Shirt
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds

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  (931): I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds http://tfl.nu/gekw
  Replies (20) Good night (1080) Bad night (3486) Order T-Shirt
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Not even the dog will look at me anymore.

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  (301): Not even the dog will look at me anymore. http://tfl.nu/6y6q
  Replies (15) Good night (944) Bad night (4378) Order T-Shirt
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  (510): View more from California

  according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"

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  (510): according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins" http://tfl.nu/7zd1
  Replies (5) Good night (4033) Bad night (756) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.

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  (310): My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in. http://tfl.nu/bth8
  Replies (14) Good night (1172) Bad night (2707) Order T-Shirt
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  (509): View more from Washington

  I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?

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  (509): I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become? http://tfl.nu/prj3
  Replies (11) Good night (723) Bad night (3425) Order T-Shirt
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  (660): View more from Missouri

  what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?

  (816): View more from Missouri

  um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan

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  (660): what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate? (816): um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan http://tfl.nu/0tla
  Replies (11) Good night (7658) Bad night (916)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol

  (540): View more from Virginia

  its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now

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  (540): come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol (540): its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now http://tfl.nu/0y7d
  Replies (6) Good night (1568) Bad night (431)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.

  (1-403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Wait. Someome brought slutcake?

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  (403): Christ, I really took the slutcake last night. (1-403): Wait. Someome brought slutcake? http://tfl.nu/hkv2
  Replies (9) Good night (1976) Bad night (455) Order T-Shirt
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".

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  (520): He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home". http://tfl.nu/zprh
  Replies (8) Good night (1683) Bad night (844) Order T-Shirt
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.

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  (702): The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever. http://tfl.nu/lrkg
  Replies (7) Good night (2069) Bad night (364) Order T-Shirt
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  I was told my cock was a religious experience.

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  (913): I was told my cock was a religious experience. http://tfl.nu/13mw
  Replies (6) Good night (1807) Bad night (430) Order T-Shirt
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...

  (1-609): View more from New Jersey

  You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"

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  (609): I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies... (1-609): You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award" http://tfl.nu/ecqm
  Replies (3) Good night (695) Bad night (202)

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