I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
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Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
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Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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