You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
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You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
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I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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