If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
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The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
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Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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