my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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