My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize