I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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