i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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