I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize