He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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