it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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