I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
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HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
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After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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