Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize