I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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