I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
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Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
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ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize