i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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