And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rumble strips road head = magical
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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