yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I currently don't understand fingers.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize