Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
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Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
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I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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