If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
im holly from the hills drunk
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Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
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